AFTER HE LEFT
At times, I wonder why people assume that everyone in their life is replaceable. Thus, they tend to push away the ones who care about them. Sadly, they lose them (the ones who care), before they (the ones who push away), realize what they have done.
A lot has happened in such a short while. I was asleep, but his call woke me up. He called to tell me that he misses me. Scoffs, so he does?
Okay, I guess you are confused, so I'll start from the very beginning.
I met him during the second semester of my second year in the university. At that time, I was not cut in for any relationship. But there was something about Teddy, I still find it hard to figure out. He was humorous, cute and had a lovely smile that could melt even the coldest heart. It was not long before I realized that my tough girl attitude was not working, and I was falling for his charms.
He seemed really adorable. His bad boy personnel drew me in and like a moth to a flame, I was drawn to disaster.
During the period of our relationship, he didn't at all act like I mattered much to him. Although, he loved me or so he claimed, however, I didn't just want be hear it, I needed him to show me - but he never really did.
Still, I tried to make him the man I dreamt of. I sincerely hoped that he could be the man I wanted him to be. How could I even think of changing a full human to suit my taste, was I insane?
I knew from the start that he wasn't the kind of man I needed in the long run, but I desperately wanted him to be because I loved him so much. And so, I broke myself while I tried to build him. Now I can't help but wonder, "Was it love I felt or was it something else?"
I showed him how much I cared. I would always make out time to be with him, even at the expense of my lectures and other school activities. I cooked for him and praised him in the presence of my friends and his friends. Because I wanted him to have a healthy ego, I gave almost anything he wanted and ignored his numerous flaws. He was perfect for me or rather I deemed him perfect.
Yet, after all my efforts, he broke up with me. It happened a year and 6 months into our relationship; at a time I was passing through serious issues and needed him the most. It felt like my soul left my body, as I was both broken and shattered. I cried my eyes out, to the point that there were no more tears left to shed.
At that time, I didn't see how I could go on without him in my life. I knew he did not put in much effort during the course of our relationship, but I did not care; I loved him enough for the both of us.
For the first few months, he tried to chat to keep us together as friends, like all was well. Although, I acted fine and kept talking whenever he wanted, but deep down I was not well. I just couldn't let him see the damage he had done to me.
I even dated someone else in order to give him the impression that I had moved on, but that relationship did not last; I could not continue to pretend. I had to embrace my broken self and build myself again if I wanted to be free and happy again.
I felt like I deserved whatever happened to me. I shut out many others that cared about me because of Teddy. I focused all my attention on him and in the process, soured my relationship with other friends and admirers.
Many months down the line and here I am, smiling again. I found someone else I grew to love. It was not as ecstatic as it was with the Mr. Bad boy. In fact, it was hard to trust him, but I learnt to trust and love him - he understood and was genuinely concerned about me being better, more than my being in a relationship with him.
However, Mr. ex boyfriend has refused to let me be. Presently, he calls and texts me more, than he did while we were together and he keeps on insisting that we meet up and talk.
Finally, he misses and he is showing it and wants to show it more. It was satisfying to know he wanted me - I loved the feeling. But I do not want him back. I have moved on for real and going back is not an option for me. I don't regret meeting him, knowing him or even loving him; my relationship with him was a lesson for me and you.
So, I am seated on my bed, my PC on my laps and hands on the keys, to share this story with you because I want you to learn from it.
Lesson 1: Humans are not cell phones that you can replace whenever you choose. Every human being is unique and as such, even the person you consider the most annoying in your life cannot be replaced.
Lesson 2: Not everyone in your life will be in there forever. However, there are certain life lessons you will never learn if you do not encounter those persons.
Lesson 3: Don't shut out those who care about you because of someone you care about and who probably does not feel the same for you.
Lesson 4: When you seek someone's attention and you finally get it, do not treat them with levity. Remember that in time past, it was only but a wish.
Lesson 5: It is a wrong thing to act too important in someone else's life. The fact that a person loves you does not mean that they cannot live without you. You'll be shocked when they finally make the decision to walk away from you and only then will you realize what you lost.
Lesson 6: Do not force feelings into existence. If you don't feel the vibe, pick up yourself and walk away before you become entangled.
Lesson 7: Time is a healer. At the right time every wound will be healed and everything that caused you pain will leave a ghost of a smile on your lips. Admit your hurt and open up yourself for healing.
👉 If you haven't before, read How I Lost Mr Right
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